London

One very important thing I learned in London. Never; Get completely inebriated, eat enough chocolate to go into a sugar induced comma, and then stay awake the whole time your body recovers from the debauchery.

London, like most big cities, is a pretty amazing place. It has a melange of colorful people running around all over the place going about their busy lives, it has cafes on every corner in the tourist areas which make excellent lattes, it has art galleries, it has a thriving music scene, etc... Well worth checking out, and definitely worth your money. London is unique to these other big cities though, because it shuts down at night. It actually sleeps. Which could be good and bad depending on how you look at it. For me, I just wanted to stay out all night but couldn't, because the night buses are a pain in the ass to deal with. It was also annoying when Stina and I needed a place to store our bags.

I was greatly inspired (as I usually am) by the Art galleries that I went to. They were not quite as good as the ones in NY, but I still liked them a good amount. My favorite kind of art I think is by far French impressionism painting. I feel it captures life most accurately, or at least in the most visually pleasing way. I bought a sketchbook and have started attempting to rekindle my talent for art I had when I was about 5 years old.

Even though I had a great time, it was still kind of lonely. My host sister (Stina) is grumpy 75% of the time, and when she's grumpy, she's possibly one of the most unpleasant people to be around on the face of this planet. Maybe it's me who needs to change, but the majority of our time was spent in silence (the void mostly being filled with Stina's grumpy vibes which are about as pleasant as a dead cat). The trip actually made me a little homesick. But it was interesting, because for the first time, My house in Sollentuna felt like a second home. I was a little bit homesick for Sweden. I never thought that would happen! I drank one metric assload of coffee while I was there, most cups of which were very good, but would have been better if I'd had someone to talk to. Although, my alone time was not completely wasted. I had a lovely time trying to get the pretty waitresses to come talk to me. Some of which i was successful with. I was also tempted to invite them out for a drink, but then I remembered that I would be with the grumpapotomous later who might not take kindly to strangers. It was very nice to be able to approach people, which is the thing I think is the general thing I miss most about the Bay Area. I was able to look at someone across the tube from me, smile, and not be labeled as a rapist in that person's mind.

I discovered somehting about myself. Even if it doesn't really have any practical use in life. I really like to look at people. The human form really interests me. I also really love sitting in cafes. I spent about 3 hours at this one cafe doing a combination of reading, watching people walk by, and debating whether to ask the ridiculously good looking Italian (I tried to channel you Emmett) waitress who made me an excellent cappucino and talked to me briefly.

And how could I not talk about how amazing and trippy it was to hang out with Rees at a pub on Halloween. I've known the guy since I was around 5 or 6, and I share a birthday with him, and then I met him in London on October the 31st no less. He seems to be someone who will continually be popping in and out of my life for as long as it lasts. And I have no complaints about it whatsoever.

Well, I think I may have finally made a breakthrough. This past Saturday was the first time I received a text message containing these lovely words; "Hej, vad ska gör du ikväll?" which translates to; Hey, what are you doing tonight? I tried to reply and my cell phone fucked up and saved the message as a draft instead of sending it, so I never actually met up with the person... but, after i realized the mistake, I talked to them the next day and everything was ay-OK. My main point is that it's really a truly exquisite feeling to have your prescence acknowledged and even appreciated. So it was a good weekend.

And even if that person hates me and it actually turns out that it was a joke (which i am confident it wasn't), I don't really care, because I am starting to feel comfortable with my new family. I had dinner with only the three of us the other night (Jan, Inga-Maj, and myself) and we were just chatting, and it felt almost like I was procrastinating my homework by watching the Daily Show in my living room in Albany with my real parents. Hm, that last sentence didn't really make sense. What I meant to say is; I can almost say that the realization of the fact that I'm in Sweden has almost hit me. Wait, that wasn't any better. Let's try this; I'm at a turning point in my trip and I haven't the slightest idea where my life is headed now. Hopefully for the best.

Also, I leave for London in about 6 hours!

I just finished reading the book Slaughterhouse-5 by kurt Vonnegut (I am so glad I enjoy reading again). For those of you who haven't read it. Read it! It's a rather strange book written with the mind concentration of a 5 year old on skittles, but it's really funny in some parts, and has some really cool ideas. It's a WWII book, but in part of it, the main character travels to an alien planet and meets some E.T.'s who see and communicate in the 4th dimension. They are very confused by the concept of time, because they see everything as one moment. This is how the past 3 months have felt for me. As I sit here in bed, I feel as though I am simultaneously standing on the porch of my cabin at Tuolumne with Ian, Jay, and EO, and while I'm talking to them I'm biking in Tilden with Will or chilling in my basment with Jake, or talking about food with Megan, or doing something that happened in the recent past. The sound of snapping fingers travels more slowly than all that has happened to me in the begining of this trip.

So, not much has changed. I still feel homesick almost 100% of the time. Every other exchange student is having a great time and has lots of friends at their school (minus the three at Rudbecksskolan, my school). I directly disobeyed the AFS head people and wrote to my friends when I felt like shit, but it really did help a lot. I thought I was going insane for a couple of days. I didn't want to talk to anyone, was uninspired to do anything really. It's discouraging to me when I feel that my existince has no purpose. I am simply being, in Sweden, consuming resources and not doing a whole lot else. Since I don't have affect on anyone's life I feel utterly useless. I was tired all the time from people speaking Swedish around me, which I feel gave me a somewhat otiose prescence and I can't imagine that being very nice for anyone else.

After I talked to a few people, who confirmed that my sanity was still together (even if it's only held by a few threads) I felt much better. I don't really know what else to say other than thanks, for right now. I am emotionally drained. I'm making a slow recovery.

On a lighter note, I really enjoyed my first football game. I wish people in the U.S. liked it more. It's something that unites the WHOLE world (minus US) and I think that the last World Cup was as, if not more exciting than most of the Olympic Games I've seen. It's really hypnotizing to watch. Watching the two teams fight for the first goal was like watching a mashup of an improvisaiotnal ballet and a war. On top of having a great time being really obnoxious and chanting in Swedish, there was something really artistic and beautiful about the way the players moved. Even though the score was 0 - 0, I still had an excellent time.

In about a week I'm going to London with my host sister (if AFS lets me go, which they are doing everything in their power to stop me right now), which I'm super excited about. I might get to go to the London Dungeon on Halloween! My only worry is my wallet, which I expect to take a severe beating on this trip.

Bathroom Tears

I cried the other day. In the fucking bathroom of the adult school where I learn Swedish of all places. What an incredible release in just a few minutes. The lead jacket my emotions had been burdened with for the past week was replaced with one made of thick leather, and the icy vice-like grip in my chest was loosened a little. It's pretty fascinating how much those small glands next to those pretty round things can do for you. I reccomend trying them out some time. It's something I wish I'd done more of.

But I'm writing about this now because I feel better. I just finished my second book, and have started to enjoy reading again. I can now check one thing off my list of things to do for the year.

Also, I get to go to my first soccer game ever on Saturday, and then to an afterparty! The world's top ranked player (Ronaldo) is going to be playing for Portugal. And there will also be some other Swede whose name I forget, but is also ranked in the top 10 in the world.

To all my friends and family who I have not told this to yet. You know who you are. It's disgusting how much I miss you. Not a day passes where you don't drift through the basement of my mind and just sit there to chill for a bit, maybe tune into what I'm listening to on my ipod or something. Like old times (not really old, but figurativly speaking). Also, you all seem to really enjoy popping into my dreams EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! I complained a lot back home about many things. I'm sorry for those of you who ever had to listen to me. I thank those who listened to me with all the strength in my beating heart. And I apologize for ever having the sickening feeling of wanting anything to change about what we ha(ve)d. I love you all.

The Doors - "People Are Strange" describes the first part of my trip perfectly

Enough said...

Familj

I feel that I actually need a new post to give a slightly better description of my host family (mostly my Dad). Everyone golfs a lot except for Stina (I can definitely relate). After my host Dad (Jan) and Brother (Jacob) lost in a tournament yesterday, they both came back in rather foul moods to watch soccer and drink some beer. I went out to Beerfest and when I woke up today, it was raining sideways and about 10 degrees celcious outside. I spent the majority of the day inside with my host brother who was recovering from a gnarly hangover, or as my family put it in Swedish he had a "concrete hat" on. I watched an angry Swedish movie about a cook on a ship during the afternoon, and it was not particularly uplifting. Anyway, I went with my host dad to the store before dinner and while we were pulling out of the parking lot another van pulled up in front of us so we couldn't take the easiest way out. A chubby Swede stepped out of the driver's seat and Jan prepared a firing squad of insults that would make Grandma roll over in her grave. My favorite was; (translated) "Fucking Santa!" The entirety of dinner was spent making fun of Jacob and his "concrete hat." Usually our weekend dinners consist of making fun of whoever has the worst hangover. I am awaiting my turn for this traumatic, yet hilarious tradition.

After dinner, while I was doing the dishes, Jan came and took a Babe Ruth sized bite of my chocolate peice and insisted otherwise after I accused him.

Beerfest!

So I'll hopefully stop using facebook soon and only write on this blog. I talked to my sister yesterday and she said that I'm spending too much time on the computer, and not enough time socializing with the family. Probably true, so I'm going to take that talk as a wake-up call.

I went to a Beerfest last night, which was pretty fun. My drinking buddies put together a team and competed in a variety of intense physically demanding games such as; beer-pong, drink 8 beers out of a giant cup as fast as you can, drink 1 beer as fast as you can, drink 8 beers in a bunch of small cups as fast as you can, etc. It was a ridiculous night of total beer-auchery. It was also interesting though, because it was the first time that I met some Swedish people who had some real hatred towards the U.S. I'm lucky I'm from California, because one person I talked to said that if I was from anywhere else in the U.S. she wouldn't have had any interest in talking to me. And some other guy was drunkinly ranting about everyone's favorite topic to bash US on...The war. For as much as Swedish people complain about Basshunter, they sure do listen to him a lot. Every single party or club I've been to has played fucking "Botten Anna,"
or something equally as shitty. And people go crazy to it.

Girls here are super frustrating. Literally every single girl that I've met and made friends with has a boyfriend. But they don't really like to tell me these things until about 2 weeks after I've met them. Just enough time to get my hopes up. I'll get a random text asking how my day was yesterday (which is usually a sign that a girl is interested in you. At least I thought), and then at the end of the quick text conversation and after 2 weeks without the slightest hint that this guy even existed she'll say; "oh, I'm just going to meet my boyfriend." And this isn't just a single occurence. It's happened maybe 4 or 5 times. They should just start driving stakes into my fragile exchange student heart.

I've started swimming again, thank God. I was getting really restless and started having trouble sleeping. It's a small group with very friendly people. I like it a lot, and the pool is really nice. It's completely surrounded by windows so you can see the lovely Swedish weather. It almost makes it more cozy though, being able to see a stormy day, but swim in a pool like it was spring break in Miami. Also, the bottom of the pool is metal, so you can watch yourself swim from a bottom feeder perspective.

Speaking of sleeping, I've been having some really weird dreams recently. They sort of make sense though because they ALL have my friends in them. One dream, I have a really vivid memory of a quick second. I was at the top of a giant hill that looked pretty much exactly like Moeser in EC. Except that I was on the UCSC campus. I was at the top trying to comfort Sarah Hsieh about something when I started biking down the hill with EO. The right side of the road suddenly turned into a steep cliff leading to a gravel pit, which I promptly fell into and skidded all over the place. Then my Dad drove up in a limosine next to the gravel pit, and then I don't remember anything. Last night after Beerfest, I dreamt that my English teacher in Sweden told me to drink less, less often.

The language here is still really frustrating, but I'm slowly getting better. It's so funny trying to communicate with Bianca (the Brazilian exchange student who only speaks Portugese). I talk through a series of broken Spanish mixed with some Swedish, rude gestures, and animated facial expressions. But it's actually really amazing how much of a conversation I can have with her now. When we go out I'm usually her translator, which is really unfortunate for her. A good part of the evening consists of Swedes telling me to say stuf to her and then her laughing at me and my horrible accent.